When Your Relationship Becomes More About Toleration Than Love

When I’m coaching couples, the first thing I ask them is their intention for the time we have together. If both people truly desire to work through whatever issue they’re having, I know we’re going to have a successful outcome. When 2 people want the same thing, it’s rather easy to find the cracks, seal them up, and move forward with a new container for love and expansion.

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But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes we have suppressed our pain and hurt so long, we secretly want to hurt our partner more than we want to love them. We want them to suffer, like we have. We try and shame them into submissive position. Even if they apologize, it means very little, until we see action. And even then, we like to remind them of how they have failed us in the past. We withhold our trust, our affection, our time, and even our love until they give us what we want.

Or we may do the complete opposite. We over give our time and generosity, we over compensate our kindness, and we brace ourselves to jump at any moment the other person needs us. We set boundaries we don’t follow through with, we make requests that are dismissed, we accept far less than we desire, and we consider it ‘normal’, while we silently suffer inside.

Whatever stage of relationship you may be in, it always reflects the relationship you have with yourself.

Thankfully, for us to be at peace, the change we desire never lies outside of us, leaving us helpless and hopeless. The required change, lies within us.

Many people fight to be right, or just to express their opinion, rather than find a solution. If one or the other isn’t in a solution based mindset, no form of communication is going to be helpful. In order for a relationship to truly work, both people must want to love each other, love themselves, and want what’s best for the relationship, in order to transform it.

If your partner isn’t willing to meet you in this sacred surrendered place, your partnership, at it’s best, will only result in what you’re willing to compromise and tolerate. The choice is yours, and you always have a choice. The most common reason we avoid our own options, is because we’re afraid of being alone. But, being alone for awhile is far more beneficial, than being with someone who makes you feel alone.

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